Jwangner
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2012
- Messages
- 75
- Reaction score
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So, Once again we find ourselves with downtime as the wonderful people of HB get our buddy The BOT up and running. So yet again I am compelled to assist those of you that need help find ways to pass the time.
HERE ARE A FEW IDEAS FOR YOUR HOLIDAY EDITION OF BOT DOWNTIME
So get out there and get your shopping or decorating done with these helpful tips:
Don't give people socks for a present
Nobody likes them. They're socks; They're stupid; They're pointless, and nobody wants them. Don't try to argue, you'll just get shot.
Home Made gifts are suck
Maybe the grandparents like them, but please dont try to tell me that you would rather have a six-year-old make you a gingerbread house then just have him buy you a silver necklace. Buy it, don't make it. End of story.
Stop trying to sell your kids this crap about Santa
Sure, if there 5 and they believe it, it's cute, but they'll figure it out someday, and when they do figure it out, just give it up. All your doing is pissing them off. They know it, You know it, so just shut up.
Getting thirteen presents is an ill omen
A little known fact, receiving exactly thirteen presents is the mark of Satan. It is a curse upon you and your family, so before you begin to open your gifts, it is a good idea to count them. If you should end up counting thirteen, it is socially acceptable to secretly buy yourself another gift and slip it under the tree. It is for you and everyone else's own good. Satan does not easily forgive mistakes.
Give your friends kittens
You know that they'll just huff them.
Burn down the town
You wish you could. The damn town's just standing there, looking at you funny, mocking you by not being on fire... just one match... But you shouldn't do it! Neither should I! Neither should I...
Don't have an epiphany
If you see any sort of ghosts saying that they're from Christmas past, present, or future kill them immediately and or run as quickly as you can away from them, wildly flailing your arms as you shout. Trust me, you may think it will make you a better man, but it won't! Do you really think that giving has solved anything in life? Just continue to make that bum Bob Cratchet working, and better yet, go just north of Whoville and start hating the Whos.
Buy the toys cheap from some Mexican
No lo hacen, usted baratos bastardo! Simplemente salir el dinero e ir a Toys R Us y comprar el cabrito al maldito juguete que quiere! ¿Honestamente cree que el niño será capaz de entender lo que está diciendo el juguete? No se puede decir lo que estoy diciendo! Moron!
Try to light the candles on your indoor Christmas tree with a flamethrower
It sounds like a good idea, but don't do it, it burns!!
Don't watch the Star Wars Holiday Special
If you've even gotten hold of the damn thing you've lowered my respect for you.
Don't try to be "Santa"
Do you want me to set the scene? It's a cold night, you're on top of your house, it's snowing and you're freezing cold, holding a fifty pound sack full of gifts and you plan to slide down a chimeny, a full story drop into a fireplace that's probably lit. You try it, break both your legs, get third degree burns, and disappoint all involved because you made a sucky Santa. Need I say more?
Fruit Cake!
What sick individual came up with this idea? It's not cake and I'm not too sure the things in it are fruit.
Don't take your kids to the Michael Jackson Christmas funhouse.
No explanation needed!!
Yell "Ho, Ho, Ho!" in an attempt to get laid.
For explanation see above.....
Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children you are sick of the milk and cookies crap and you'd prefer a beer and some hot wings instead.
Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand on the corner saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!" as women walk by.
Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.
Post a sign in front yard that says Carolers Welcome. Then when they get almost to the front door turn on the sprinklers.
Sell jars of water, advertising them as Frosty the Snowman urns.
Decorate the yard for the holidays... using your neighbor's decorations.
Stand on a street corner selling dime bags of mistletoe.
So there you have it. Please submit anything you feel would make the holidays better and our wait time shorter.
HERE ARE A FEW IDEAS FOR YOUR HOLIDAY EDITION OF BOT DOWNTIME
So get out there and get your shopping or decorating done with these helpful tips:
Don't give people socks for a present
Nobody likes them. They're socks; They're stupid; They're pointless, and nobody wants them. Don't try to argue, you'll just get shot.
Home Made gifts are suck
Maybe the grandparents like them, but please dont try to tell me that you would rather have a six-year-old make you a gingerbread house then just have him buy you a silver necklace. Buy it, don't make it. End of story.
Stop trying to sell your kids this crap about Santa
Sure, if there 5 and they believe it, it's cute, but they'll figure it out someday, and when they do figure it out, just give it up. All your doing is pissing them off. They know it, You know it, so just shut up.
Getting thirteen presents is an ill omen
A little known fact, receiving exactly thirteen presents is the mark of Satan. It is a curse upon you and your family, so before you begin to open your gifts, it is a good idea to count them. If you should end up counting thirteen, it is socially acceptable to secretly buy yourself another gift and slip it under the tree. It is for you and everyone else's own good. Satan does not easily forgive mistakes.
Give your friends kittens
You know that they'll just huff them.
Burn down the town
You wish you could. The damn town's just standing there, looking at you funny, mocking you by not being on fire... just one match... But you shouldn't do it! Neither should I! Neither should I...
Don't have an epiphany
If you see any sort of ghosts saying that they're from Christmas past, present, or future kill them immediately and or run as quickly as you can away from them, wildly flailing your arms as you shout. Trust me, you may think it will make you a better man, but it won't! Do you really think that giving has solved anything in life? Just continue to make that bum Bob Cratchet working, and better yet, go just north of Whoville and start hating the Whos.
Buy the toys cheap from some Mexican
No lo hacen, usted baratos bastardo! Simplemente salir el dinero e ir a Toys R Us y comprar el cabrito al maldito juguete que quiere! ¿Honestamente cree que el niño será capaz de entender lo que está diciendo el juguete? No se puede decir lo que estoy diciendo! Moron!
Try to light the candles on your indoor Christmas tree with a flamethrower
It sounds like a good idea, but don't do it, it burns!!
Don't watch the Star Wars Holiday Special
If you've even gotten hold of the damn thing you've lowered my respect for you.
Don't try to be "Santa"
Do you want me to set the scene? It's a cold night, you're on top of your house, it's snowing and you're freezing cold, holding a fifty pound sack full of gifts and you plan to slide down a chimeny, a full story drop into a fireplace that's probably lit. You try it, break both your legs, get third degree burns, and disappoint all involved because you made a sucky Santa. Need I say more?
Fruit Cake!
What sick individual came up with this idea? It's not cake and I'm not too sure the things in it are fruit.
Don't take your kids to the Michael Jackson Christmas funhouse.
No explanation needed!!
Yell "Ho, Ho, Ho!" in an attempt to get laid.
For explanation see above.....
Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children you are sick of the milk and cookies crap and you'd prefer a beer and some hot wings instead.
Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand on the corner saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!" as women walk by.
Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.
Post a sign in front yard that says Carolers Welcome. Then when they get almost to the front door turn on the sprinklers.
Sell jars of water, advertising them as Frosty the Snowman urns.
Decorate the yard for the holidays... using your neighbor's decorations.
Stand on a street corner selling dime bags of mistletoe.
So there you have it. Please submit anything you feel would make the holidays better and our wait time shorter.
